Ok, so once again, it has been awhile. I am not sure why it takes so long. I feel pretty bad about that. Some folks actually like to read what I write! I have had some great things to say, while I am driving or running or whatever, but hmmm, no computer to type on while I am doing that. It would be kinda hard anyway.
So, I have been in what I like to call a funk. Things have been so dark around me, you almost have to carry a flashlight to see me. I am pretty good on the outside, but the inside is just eating away at my muscles. (I wish it was the fat, but it's not.) I feel like all my strength is getting taken away. You know why? I have not been one with God. I have been outwardly focused on other things and not Him. I have been letting the voice of lies deceive me. It sucks too. I started eating more that I should again. That makes me feel yucky, so I eat more. Now I am going to have to retrain myself, again! It is a constant battle. I hear those voices telling me that I suck as a mom and I just want to be alone, but my kids are always there. It's like they know how to irritate me and do it with great pleasure. Although, I don't know that that is true, it sure feels like it. Here is what I think,
Wendy, you are in a funk. You know it. Do something about it. Take the step. You need to get back to Gods arms. You need to reach up and say, "Daddy, hold me, I am sad."
Doesn't He promise to pick me up? Doesn't He promise not to let me succumb to pressure? Doesn't He promise that when I feel like giving up (which I do), that He will give me the strength to perservere?
We are going to have hard times. We are going to have funks. The question is, will we rely upon the one who promises big promises and never lets us down or will we try to handle it ourselves? I vote for God and I know that, but I have to take the steps to give it up again and not try to hold onto myself in the drivers seat.
Sometimes it's hard to give up, dare I say it, control, when you are control freak. The road is always smoother when you are not driving though. I always hit the potholes, but God never does. You ever notice that when you are in the passenger seat and God is doing the driving, there are never any accidents? He has a perfectly clean record. How does your record look? Unpaid speeding tickets, running a red light or a stop sign, driving while intoxicated, maybe even manslaughter. I bet that we are all felons for one reason or another in prison, waiting on death row for more than just driving issues. We are all hoping that we will get the call from the Governor, the night before our sentence is to be carried out. But wait, don't we have the ultimate hope? We ARE on death row and we KNOW that right before they put the needle in, we won't have to have that lethal injection. Guess what, Jesus is going to lay down on that cold table and let them put the needle in him. He is going to do it for me and He is going to do it for you.
So why do I continually try to control my surroundings? Why can't I just let go and pray when I feel that urge to control come on? Why can't I stick my nose in His book and let Him tell me what to do?
Maybe I will do just that. I will go stick my nose in His good book and let Him talk to me. That is something you all can pray for me about. Letting go, again, of everything that I don't need to have my hands on or in.
I feel better now. Thank you for listening.
Until we read again...
