What am I so afraid of?

Dear God, This may seem like a silly way to communicate with you. I am laying my heart on the line for all to see. What am I so afraid of? Why can't I sit down and just be with you? For days now, I have put other things in front of you. So many other things. I feel like I am almost doing it on purpose. I can hear so still, small voice in my head calling me, beckoning me back to the place you brought me to, just a few weeks ago. Am I so hard headed that I won't even answer? Have I turned and walked away, again? TV shows are so important that I can't even make 10 minutes for you to speak to me in your Word? No, Lord, let me check my email first, I don't want to miss anything. Let me go get my run in, first. Let me go feed the dogs, first. Let me go volunteer at my girl's school, first. Let me go grocery shopping, first. Oh Lord, the list goes on and on. I see you with the scroll of excuses in my head. I come. Lord, on bended knee, I come. I ask you to forgive me for my disobedience. I confess to you that I have deliberately not done what you have asked me to do. I am afraid of the place you want to take me. I don't know what it will look like or what you are going to lead me to do. I have fear of the unknown. I know you want to do a work in my heart. Cleanse me and make me whole so I can better go forward in the commands you are teaching me to do. Lord, you gave me so much at the retreat, just a few weeks ago. I could feel your Power. I could feel you tangibly close. It seems so far away now, but yet, I almost sense it is just one step of obedience away. Your Peace is just a hand held out, all I need to do is reach. Why won't I? What am I so afraid of? Lord, I need you. I can't walk this path alone. You are my Creator. I know you have what is best for me in mind. I know you want to use me to shine your Light. Your Goodness and Mercy follows me. Your Countenance is upon me. Your Spirit lives in me. Give me your Courage to take the step into the unknown because it IS known by you. Guide me in your footsteps that you have already laid the path for me. You have given me enough to make through today. Your promises shall suffice for tomorrow. I come to you in obedience to make you first in my life. I give my time to you. Praise you Jesus. Thank you for second chances. In your Jesus name, Amen. Be blessed, Until we read again...