Softball blunders

Okay, so last night we had another CJ softball game. I got to play second base for the first time. I usually play catcher. I had a terrible game last night. I missed more than one ball. Here's one picture of my game, have you ever have one of those moments where it's like time slows down? Well, I missed the ball, lost my balance and hit the ground. I remember looking up, shocked that I missed it, because I was so sure I wasn't going to. I realized that everyone was looking at me and was pulled back to reality by yelling to get the ball because it was still in play. Hello, the game is still going. The winning run scored and the game was over. Let me top it off for you. I hit the ball terrible last night too. I had one more at bat and I had gone over it a million times while sitting on the bench. I get up to bat and smack it hard over the shortstops head. Whew hew! I take off to run, bam, tripped in the hole on the other side of the plate, do a somersault roll over my right shoulder, get up, still sure that I was going to make it to first because it was a perfect hit between the left fielder and shortstop.....that is, if the left fielder was playing where he was supposed to, but alas, he wasn't and caught it. I was out. I was dirty, blood dripping down my knee, dirt pouring out my ear, esteem in the gutter, out. On the bright side though, I did however get a chance to redeem myself to myself. Another team needed a girl to play and I offered to help. I played with people I did not even know. I had 2 great hits and helped them win the game, which they had not done yet. I knew I could do it, even with no one watching. I love to play softball.

Letting go

This past week, I went to the doctor for a sinus infection. I needed some medicine. I chose to take my SHAPE book with me. It is about finding and fulfilling your unique purpose for life. It is a follow up to the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. If you haven't read that one, you should. Anyway, I had read halfway through the SHAPE book, then decided to finish another book before moving on into the deep part. I read through the first chapter of the second half call "Letting Go". It was quite moving and realized that I could not just read this part of the book, I had to do the writing part too, in order to get the most out of it. While waiting for the doctor in the back, I started the chapter over and worked through it. It was quite thought provoking. I thought through a whole bunch of things that I needed to think through. I would like to take this opportunity to follow through with what I wrote in a prayer to God to help me Let Go.

Dear God,

Today I'm fully surrendering my life to you. I realize that I have been holding things back from you, for which I am sorry. Please take from me all of the things I have listed below and give me the rest that your Word promises. In addition, give me the strength and wisdom to live surrendered everyday of my life.
God I surrender the following to you today....

My Worries -
-My whole family including myself
-Health issues in my whole family including myself
-Money

My Wounds
-Never feeling good enough for my dad, always feeling like I had to prove
myself, actually, to everyone, not just dad.
-Marie's bad choices and how they have affected everyone.

My Wrongs
-To Miranda- I don't give her the same leeway that I give to Jessica. I think I do it because I am trying to make her a better person, but I don't know if that is totally true or not. I know it is partly, but I don't know that I don't take out some of my resentment from Marie on her. That obviously is a wrong to Miranda.
-I yell at people when I am angry. I should memorize James 1:19-20.
-I hold resentment in my heart towards Marie for her bad choices.
-I hold resentment in my heart towards Melysa for being not being grateful for the things that she has been given.

My Weaknesses
-Organizational skills in my home
-Patience in everything
-My fear of failure or letting people down
-Stepping out of my comfort zone to talk to new people

My Wishes
I wish that I would be a better mom to my girls.
I wish I had more patience.
I wish that I could make the difference in the lives of abused and neglected children.
I wish that when I die people will remember me as a loving mom, wife and child of God who made a difference in their lives.

Lord, today I have realized that in order to be fully yours, I need to surrender everything to you. Not just part of it, but all of it. You tell me that I can trust you with it all and you will take care of me and I will hold your Word close to me and believe that. Lord, today, I thank you for taking these burdens from me. Lord, when I am tempted to take them back, please remind me swiftly and lovingly that you have them for me. I thank you for all the blessings that you have given me and continue to give me. I thank you that you gave your son for me so I could be reunited with you in heaven on your golden streets.
Thank you Lord for all you are, all you have done and all you will do,

Amen.