Friday, October 17, 2008

It's all good, then BAM, right in the kisser!

I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Yesterday things were flying high and everything was going to be just fine. Today, things are still going to be just fine, but the evil one is crawling all over me trying to smother me. Do you ever feel like that? Like you are wrestling and you're just trying to stay inside the circle, but your opponent is overpowering you and you are about to lose?

Money. Isn't it the root of all evil? That idol is something that I struggle with. Wants and desires. It would be so great to get a __________ with this and that. Wow, wouldn't it be cool to have __________, then everything would be great! I would love to have _____________, it would make my life so much easier. Check out this _____________, if I had a ____________, then I could do __________. Fill in the blanks with anything you want. Everything fits into someones category.

I am an Alderman in our little town, which is basically a council person. We open all our town meetings with a prayer for God to come work through us to do what is best for our town. I think that is awesome. Right now, I am also on the "committee" for our neighborhood group who is working on a gas lease with a local company. We are dealing with HUGE amounts of potential money for close to 400 acres worth of land. I think that myself and one other person are the only Christians on this team. Not once did either of us offer to pray prior to beginning our meetings. God was totally left out of these decisions. Why? I thought about praying more than once. Maybe God even placed it on my heart more than once to say something. Would the other have declined? Probably not, so why didn't I do it. Greed. My eyes were dollar signs and all I could see what the potential for a lot of freaking money. James and I talked about all the good things we would do with it, but I never brought it to God. I knew that once we got that money, everything would be just fine. Now, don't worry, we didn't spend it. We knew there was a possibility that it wouldn't come, but I was sure that that it would.

So, I say all this to say, with the economic downfall, it is pretty much a certainty that the gas company will pull out of their negotiations. That monetary windfall, gone. Is it possible, that due to the fact that we were greedy and left Him out, we are reaping what we sowed? Yes. Is it possible that maybe this would have happened anyway? Yes.

I laid awake last night allowing Satan to take over my thoughts. Tell me how disappointed that God was in me for not standing up when I should have. God was probably disappointed, I am sure, but would He chastise me over it? I don't think so. Maybe this is an "Idol" check for me. I let money get the best of me and I need to remind myself to let God get the best of me and bless me from His side of the green pasture. Whether it be money or not. We are blessed to have EVERYTHING we could possibly need. If we don't get the big green, then so be it. We still have enough and that is fine with me. I am blessed beyond measure.

God, thank you for reminding me of that. Money will not define who I am or what I have. You, alone, will provide for us in ways that we can't even imagine, when we keep our eyes set on you. Thank you Lord, for being the everlasting provider.

Until we read again...


Rachel said...

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Hollie said...
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Hollie said...

Girl, I can totally understand where your coming from, as can many others.

That totally stinks but you will learn from it and God will bless you in some many other ways. Maybe you didn't get the money because He knew how your heart was about the money to begin with? Who knows, God works in amazing ways! Don't beat yourself up about it too much just take it as it is and make the best of the blessings you have right here, right now! You have God, family, friends, health, wealth, food, shelter, cars and a blessed life! What more could you need! Anyway, I didn't mean to preach to you but I know how you are and I want to reassure that God did this for the best of your well being. Love ya girl and you're always in my thoughts and prayers!!!

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